Jab hume anxiety ya koi bhi mental health problem hoti hai na, starting mein samajh hi nahi aata ke yeh kya ho raha hai mere saath. Aisa lagta hai ke bas main kahin marr na jaun. Heartbeat ekdum fast chal rahi hoti hai, haath-pair kaanp rahe hote hain, neend udh jaati hai… aur tum khud se poochte ho — “Yeh mere saath kya ho raha hai?”
Agar tumhare age chhoti hai toh aur zyada dar lagta hai. Dimag mein yeh soch chalti hai:
“Kahin main marr toh nahi jaunga? Abhi toh meri shaadi bhi nahi hui… abhi toh maine duniya dekhi hi kaha hai… abhi toh main jawan hoon… abhi toh ghoomne ka time hai…”
Fir soch aati hai maa-baap ki: “Mere maa-baap ne itni mehnat se mujhe padhaaya, ab unki seva ka waqt aaya hai aur main marr jaaun?”
Tum kisi ko kuch nahi bata paate. Andar hi andar ghut rahe hote ho. Kabhi-kabhi akela baith kar ro bhi rahe hote ho… par maa ke saamne nahi rona chahte, kyunki nahi chahte ki tumhare aansu dekh kar woh kamzor pad jaaye. Kabhi sab so jaate hain, light band ho jaati hai… par tum fir bhi chup-chap ro rahe hote ho.
Tum bachpan se lekar ab tak ki har baat yaad karte ho. Maa-baap ki struggle, unki sacrifices. Fir yeh soch aati hai: “Ab mera time aaya hai… aur main marr jaunga?”
Yeh overthinking itni badh jaati hai ki poori-puri raat nikal jaati hai. Kabhi subah 5 baje uthte ho, toh kabhi sirf 2–4 ghante ki neend milti hai.
Fir ek naya dar — “Agar main soya toh kahin neend mein hi na mar jaun?”
Kabhi uthte ho toh lagta hai jaise dimag ne neend li hi nahi. Body jhatke se uth jaati hai. Heartbeat itni fast ho jaati hai ki lagta hai “bas ab toh heart attack aane wala hai.”https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety
Mujhe ‘heart attack anxiety’ ya ‘cardiac phobia’ ho gaya tha.
Hamare family mein kai logon ko heart attack hua tha, kuch ki death bhi ho gayi thi. Mere papa ko bhi ek baar heart attack aaya tha — toh mera dar aur bada ho gaya tha.
Main har waqt heart attack ko leke overthink karta tha.
TV, YouTube, news — kahin bhi agar heart attack ki baat aati, toh main turant channel change kar deta. YouTube par video skip kar deta. Agar kisi real life mein heart attack ki news sunta — chahe woh unknown ho — toh meri heartbeat badh jaati thi.
Main kisi ko kuch nahi batata tha, na ghar waalon ko, na doston ko.
Mujhe lagta tha agar ghar waale sunenge toh dar jaayenge — aur dusron se baat karne lagenge.
Shaadi hone wali thi meri, aur mummy ko baat karne ki aadat thi. Mujhe lagta tha unki chinta mein woh kisi na kisi se baat karengi — chaahe behen ho, devrani ho, ya jethani.
Meri ex-gf ke cousin ki shaadi mein DJ pe dance karte waqt unhe heart attack aaya tha.
Yeh baat mere dimaag mein baith gayi thi.
Aaj kal aise hi news mil jaati hai — koi school function mein dance karte hue mar gaya, dandiya khelte waqt death, ya dulha ki baraat mein DJ par dance karte waqt heart attack.
Shaadi se ek din pehle ladies sangeet tha.
Function hotel mein tha. Sab keh rahe the ke dance karo.
Main dance nahi kar raha tha. Mujhe dar lag raha tha: “Kahin kuch ho na jaaye?”
Main DJ se door hi khada tha.
Tab meri sister mujhe kheench kar stage par le aayi.
Main dance toh kar raha tha — par pasina behne laga. Heart par haath rakha toh heartbeat bahut tez thi. Main turant neeche bhag gaya. Mujhe laga:
“Yeh mera aakhri din hai. Bas ab gaya.”
Main doston ke paas gaya aur bola: “Yaar meri heartbeat bahut fast hai, mujhe heart attack aa raha hai, please mujhe hospital le chalo!”
Doston ne samjhaya: “Shayad garmi ki wajah se ho raha ho… hawa le le, saans le…”
Main kuch der baitha, aur thoda better feel kiya.
Thoda waqt baad sab top floor pe drinks le rahe the.
Main bhi unke saath chala gaya — 5th floor tak chadhte waqt saans chadh gayi.
Heartbeat aur tez ho gayi.
Mujhe laga ab toh heart attack pakka hai.
Mere saamne mere massad (mama ji) khade the.
Main zor se chillaaya:
“Massad! Mujhe heart attack aa raha hai, mujhe bacha lo!”
Massad daude, bola: “Kya hua?”
Main: “Chest mein pain, heartbeat fast, chakkar aa rahe hai!”
Usne thappad maar diya chest par — jagaane ke liye.
Mujhe car mein bithaya. Hospital 10-15 minute door tha — par mujhe laga yeh safar ghanto ka hai.
Window se hawa le raha tha, aansuon ke saath ek hi soch chal rahi thi:
“Agar kuch ho gaya toh kya hoga? Sab tension mein aa jaayenge… gharwaale, dulhan side…”
Hospital pahuncha toh main daudte hue gaya:
“Doctor saab! Bacha lo! Mujhe heart attack aa raha hai!”
Doctor ne poocha: “Kahan dard ho raha hai?”
Main confuse ho gaya — kabhi kahin haath lagata, kabhi kahin.
Mujhe khud nahi samajh aa raha tha ke exactly pain kahan hai.
Doctor samajh gaye —
Yeh heart attack nahi, anxiety attack hai.
BP check kiya — normal.
ECG bhi normal.
Card mein “Anxiety Attack” likha.
Injection diya aur bola: “Kal OPD mein aakar milna.”https://www.nhm.gov.in/Mental-Health
Us din doctor ke ek sentence se mujhe sukoon mila:
“Sab normal hai.”
Bas wahi sentence sun kar dil ko shanti mili.
Main hospital se nikal kar wapas party mein gaya, sabko kuch nahi bataya.
Sirf yeh bola: “Kuch galat khane se gas ban gayi thi, ab thik hoon.”
Thodi der smile ki, masti ki, aur phir waha se nikal gaya…
Meri shaadi thi. Subah hui thi, aur poora din maine sirf iss darr ke saath nikala ke kahin mujhe aaj ghabrahat na ho jaaye. Agar ghabrahat ho gayi, toh main kya karunga? Meri toh beizzati ho jaayegi. Kyunki jiss se meri shaadi hui thi, vo hamare caste ke hi the, toh poore caste mein baat fail jaayegi.
Lekin uss din sab kuch surprisingly accha gaya.
Phir bhi ek baat mere dimaag mein baith gayi thi — “Yaar, uss din mujhe hua kya tha? Mujhe aise kyu laga ke mujhe heart attack aayega?” Jabki mera BP bhi normal tha, ECG bhi. Mujhe laga, “Kahin yeh koi aur badi bimari toh nahi?” Doctor ne toh reports theek batayi thi… toh yeh kya tha?
Maine anxiety ke baare mein padhna shuru kiya. Tab jaake pata laga ki yeh ek mental health issue hota hai. Jab humare dimaag mein bar-bar negative thoughts aate hain, toh ek negative thought pattern ban jaata hai. Aur humara dimaag ussi pattern ke according react karta hai. Agar positive pattern hoga toh positive response, aur agar negative, toh negative hi.
Mujhe uss waqt yeh baat samajh nahi aa rahi thi ke yeh pattern kya hote hain. Main Google pe psychiatrist se consult karne ki koshish kar raha tha. https://www.manastha.com/Lekin jo jaanne layak cheez thi, vo mil nahi rahi thi.
Ek din mere ek dost se baat ho rahi thi. Maine kaha, “Yaar kal mujhe itni anxiety ho rahi thi, dil ghabra raha tha, bhaag jaane ka mann kar raha tha.”
Vo bola: “Tujhe anxiety hai? Bas? Tujhe koi bimari lag gayi ab tu bachega nahi.”
Uske reaction se main aur darr gaya. Bas tab se main anxiety ke baare mein padhta raha. Mere dimaag mein sirf ek thought — “Mujhe heart attack aayega.” Meri nayi-nayi shaadi hui thi. Wife kehti thi, “Tum khoye-khoye kyun rehte ho?”
Par main kya bolta? Jab mujhe khud nahi pata tha ke mujhe kya ho raha hai, toh main apni wife se kya share karta?
Jab Sabse Bada Dar Reality Ban Gaya
Ek din main naha raha tha, aur achanak se itni ghabrahat hone lagi ke paani bhi nahi gira paa raha tha apne upar. Sabun puri body pe laga tha, lekin main kaap raha tha. Kisi tarah sabun saaf kiya. Heartbeat itni fast thi ke laga ab toh heart attack pakka aayega.
Maine wife ko cheekh ke bulaya — “Mujhe kuch ho raha hai, mujhe bacha lo!”
Main bina kapdon ke bahar aa gaya. Wife boli: “Kapde pehno, koi dekh lega.”
Kisi tarah kapde pehne. Hath-pair kaap rahe the.
Usne mujhe samjhaya, ro bhi padi.
Main bola: “Hospital chalo.”
Subah-subah hospital gaye. Emergency mein test hua — BP, ECG — sab normal.
Main bola: “Sir, mujhe anxiety hai.”
Unhone kaha: “OPD mein dikhaiye.”
Wahan jaake maine sab bataya. Aur pehli baar mann halka ho gaya.
Pucha: “Sir, anxiety theek ho jaayegi?”
Unhone bola: “Bilkul.”
Ek tablet di. Maine usi raat khayi.
Aur Phir Ek Naya Din
Agli subah laga — “Yaar mujhe toh kuch bhi problem nahi thi.”
Main sabse has-mast rehne laga. Office mein bhi mazaak, khushi.
Sab log kehne lage, “Pehle wala Karan wapas aa gaya.”
Lekin problem ye thi — main apne city se bahar nahi jaa pata tha. Lagta agar kuch ho gaya toh kaun dekhega?
Doctor ne mujhe ek tablet di — ghabrahat ho toh aadhi le lena.
Main woh tablet hamesha apni jeb mein rakhta tha. Agar nahi hoti thi, toh discomfort hone lagta.
10 din baad follow-up hua. Bola:
“Ab theek hoon.”
Doctor ne ek mahine ki medicine aur di. Fir 10 din aur.
Kuch din baad jab maine medicine chhodi, toh ghabrahat wapas aayi.
Tab laga — “Jab tak dawai khaunga tab tak theek, nahi toh wapas wahi.”
Lagne laga ke mujhe lifetime yeh tablets leni padengi.
Jab Daaru Ko Ilaaj Samajh Baitha
Maine cousin ko bataya. Bola: “Tension mat le, 2 peg maar, sab theek.”
Maine socha — “Jab tablet bhi addiction hai, toh daaru hi kyun nahi?”
Ek din pi li. Tension gaya, neend bhi achhi. Agle din bhi mood accha.
Bas aadat lag gayi.
Ghar mein ladaai shuru ho gayi.
Ek din zyada pee li — heart beat fast, ghabrahat — pani, imli, nimbu sab kiya, lekin kuch farq nahi.
Woh din meri zindagi ka turning point tha.
Maine khud se promise kiya:
“Bhagwan, agar aaj bacha liya, toh kabhi nahi piyunga.”https://khuljamind.com/anxiety-2/
Wapas Dawa Ki Taraf
Next day doctor ke paas gaya.
Doctor ne kaha: “Iska proper course hota hai — 6 mahine, 9 mahine, 1 saal. Jab chhodenge, toh exercise aur routine bhi denge.”
Maine kaha: “Thik hai sir, medicine dobara shuru karo.”
Jab medicine khatam hone lagti, toh panic hone lagta.
Chemist ko mana liya ki vo bina prescription ke de de.
Lekin fir nayi guideline aayi: Mental health wali dawai bina prescription nahi milegi.
Tab maine jugad lagaya. Compunder se baat banayi. Mera number aage laga deta.
Ek tablet thi — Byonag. Hamesha jeb mein rehti.https://khuljamind.com/anxiety-9/
Apne Upar Wapas Bharosa
Phir maine decide kiya:
“Main dawai ke bina bhi jee sakta hoon.”
Jeb mein dawai rakhna band kiya.
Doctor ne dose kam karna shuru kiya.
Aur ek din bola:
“Ab aapka course complete hua. Medicine band kar dete hain.”
Maine bola:
“Sir, please band kar do. Bas.”
Aur aaj main bilkul theek hoon.
Pura ek saal lag gaya — kabhi dawai chhodi, kabhi wapas shuru ki.
Lekin har baar doctor se sab share kiya, willpower rakhi.
Aur jeet gaya.
Aaj Ki Zindagi
Aaj meri married life khushhaal hai.
Meri family bhi khush hai.
Mera ek pyara sa baby boy bhi hai.
Agar aap bhi anxiety se guzar rahe ho, toh please ek baar help lena mat chhodo.
Ek ache doctor, discipline, aur apne upar vishwas se sab theek ho sakta hai.
Aapko yeh blog kaisa laga? Zaroor batana.